loopylouise123 | One-shot fic: Breathe

Title: Breathe
Summary: Dick visits the beach and thinks of the reasons and his choices that have affected his life.
Characters, Pairings: Dick Grayson, implied Roy/Dick.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: angst and death fic...sort of.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Notes: May explain why Dick's been such a Dick recently, but take it as you will.

The sun was low in the sky, creating an array of warm colours that were appreciated by the few stray figures on the beach. The wind blew and the waves were more vicious than usual but no surfers were out on the sea that evening as the chill in the air forced people to wear thick coats and scarves high on their necks.

A dog barked somewhere further down the beach and the sound was followed by children’s laughter.

When was they last time I had gone to the beach?

The figure wrapped his coat tighter around himself when a gust of brutal wind whipped round him but despite the cruel weather he was glad he had decided to take this trip down to the coast, it let him think.

/Where you’re going…What you need to do…You’ll do it better without me/

The sea and the sand didn’t look at him and accuse him of where he was going, of what he was doing with his life. They didn’t look up to him and expect him to do the impossible and they certainly didn’t regret the choices he had made in the years.

/Don’t.Get.Up/

All the sea did was just listen and breathe in and out; its rhythmic breaths crashing against the shore.

If he could change the choices he had made in his time he would, but he knew he couldn’t and he knew that the consequences of some of those choices were still in effect. Roy had left him, it was a matter of time really, he was beginning to think that perhaps he shouldn’t be pushing him away, that maybe they did belong to together and that Roy could help him through this but Roy did what Dick wanted him to do all along and left.

And he took nearly half of his friends and family with him.

They were not able to forgive him for finally pushing away the man that had loved him more than life itself.

“You’ve damaged my family Nightwing. I can never forgive you for that.”

“I thought I knew you, I thought you were never capable of this.”

“What happened to the man I fell in love with Dick? This isn’t you, why are you doing this?”

The sea and the sand wouldn’t miss him when he was gone, they would keep on going forever, hardly changing or moving, just continue to breath, in and out, for all eternity.

“Mister Grayson, we have your test results.”

It was better that way, if they didn’t miss him. So that when he did die they wouldn’t hurt, Dick knew what it felt like to lose someone you loved and he couldn’t let Roy go through that, he couldn’t let any of them go through that.

“I’m sorry but the cancer has already spread. Even if you got Mr Wayne involved with funding for treatment…it wouldn’t make a difference.”

He remembered the first time he had met Roy, as Speedy. He could recall feeling amused at the other boy’s sunglasses and his cocky attitude, but even back then, he could remember feeling that connection. That he believed would hold them together to the end of time.

Not any more.

“You only have four months to live. I’m sorry.”

He had already sorted out his will, leaving at least one possession to each of his family and friends, and with them a letter, one that he had personally written. A letter that described how much they meant to him and that he wanted them to remember him for who he was and what he once stood for.

Not the man he had become or what he would be, a dying stranger in a hospital bed.

The wind blew harshly again, shaking him back to reality and he started back up the beach, leaving behind the sea and the sand and its rhythmic breathing.

He had time to visit and see the places he had always wanted to see.

But instead he would continue on as Nightwing, fighting the good fight until he could fight no more. And perhaps if he was lucky a stray bullet would hit him in the right place and he could die a hero’s death. If he was lucky.

Dick stopped and turned back, looking once more at the sea and its waves and just listened to it breathe.